We talked about ambivalence, about how the word is commonly used to describe feelings of indifference, dispassion, not caring much one way or the other.
Ambivalence is rooted in the Latin words ambi- ("both") and valentia ("strength"). Ambivalence is not indifference; it is feeling both things with equal strength.
As I grow, I come to understand clearer that there is rarely a single, tidy narrative that can capture the fullness of any experience.
Moving out of my studio has altered time and space, leaving me standing simultaneously on opposite ends of an expansive emotional landscape. Sorrow and exhilaration. Confidence and doubt. Nostalgia and a deep and true enthusiasm for my future.
Since I have acknowledged Sadness, I thought today I would acknowledge its equally potent twin: Happiness.
So here I am in one of my happiest places: amongst barbells and kettlebells and monkey bars. This is Northwest Fitness Project, the place where I will work with my clients beginning next week. It's a collective studio filled with all my favorite toys and group of topnotch trainers. I even get to work alongside a beloved former colleague from my old days at Sound Mind & Body Gym. I'm excited to reconnect with her, to make new friends and be inspired by other great coaches.
When I sent out my most recent newsletter sharing my heartache about closing The Institute of Moves, Muscles & Eternal Optimism, both of the owners of Northwest Fitness Project reached out to me. They had read my words, wanted me to know that they felt for my sadness. They both said, "If there is anything we can do to make your transition easier, let us know." And they both told me that they were looking forward to having me be a part of their team.
Hearing from them both in this way was inspiring. They both demonstrated great leadership. They could have taken my sadness as a personal affront, like why wasn't I jumping for joy to be a part of their kickass gym?
But they didn't. They saw me for what I truly was: Ambivalent. They understood and they were totally cool with it.